Me and Erin, in the airport. She is seeing me off to China for something. But at the same time, I am returning from there, because I have a “memory” of losing Zoe’s jacket on the train in Beijing. But I do find it, at least the sherpa-esque lining of it, in the airport lost and found.
And a warning from Erin: “You do know he and his wife are on your flight.” Which, I somehow already knew. I roll my eyes. And its back to work, in the red carpeted hallway, with a changing room on the right hand side, which opens to the barely-larger common area at the end of the hall. And, I swear it is Scott Cook, is my next patient and he needs a DOT physical, and he is of course chatting and pimping me the whole time, and it IS enjoyable, and he wants a hug on his way out, and for a moment, I forget my place.
But in the corner is a door. And he comes out, with her, in love, her gazing adoringly into his eyes. And back into my place I go. Shoved down in tight by the appearance of a bunch of important people from work I am not good enough to be friends with, all laughing and palling around with him, clapping him on the back as they board the plane.
I anticipate the next 3 weeks. Same hotel, same VIPs, same dining room, same conferences: even though I am posing. Passing, an imposter. feeling like a stalker-interloper-half breed who doesn’t really belong there.
I try to hide. But I need a hit, and I look just a moment too long, and he meets my eye. So fleetingly as I am moving into the shadow, but my stomach lurches, and the flight instinct fires, and the hear, and the breathing, and, my God. I want to cry. And I see myself in the changing room mirror and realize that Erin has changed me. Dark wavy hair, red lips, small, tiny, fashionably dressed. And even though I am beautiful, even though I am like her, even though I know I am caught; I hide in the the dressing room until Erin comes to get me.