i did sit ups. in a class. on an incline. obliques too.
tearing through my kid’s closet looking for something to wear to the Benedum. put on a tshirt, under a glitzy low cut top, sparkles all over, a long black skirt and a mini over top. we’re driving to the show when a car full of cute guys pulls by and starts laughing at me and i see the get up in the side view mirror and change into a slinky plunging lace sling bodice with jewels on the lace and nipples plainly visible and a long mermaid skirt silky and clingy. my father disapproves.
walking downtown in my get-up with connie, going into tiffany’s not seeing anything i like wondering where the good stuff is. she wants me to go see this show at the museum but i have to go pick up zoe. so i go to school, can’t find the kid of course, but now me and sarah are wandering through chess club trying to find an empty table to study at. im looking for the snack bar because i need a diet coke
in a restaurant, all my family and someone else i don’t remember. we’re drinking beer and eating burgers, and along comes this family of 4, mom, dad, 2 little boys, and they stand in front of our table and make the boys genuflect and then they sit down in our booth and start to give their testimony. we stare t them with hairy eyeballs, hoping they will understand the inappropriateness of what they are doing, but they don’t, so finally i interrupt and say, “you know, I’m not really comfortable sharing personal information with strangers. and this feels kind of crowded. so you guys can move to the next table, or we can if you want, whatever” and they get all huffy but they move to the big circle table in the corner with a million chairs and suddenly theres 20 of them, with the pastor and the lawyer, and they’re everywhere. on the stairs, at the pool, around the corner, everywhere, just staring at us like stalkers. so i bust in, yell at the lawyer, right in his face, that this is a free country, he has no right to dictate what my religion is going to be, we have laws against this kind of thing and I’ve written it all down and i shove the paper at him, and tell him the CFR reference for my claims, and that i will call the FEDS not the locals, THE FEDS if they do it again!
Me and taylor swift careening backwards down an icy road in bethel park on the way to school. I’m trying to recover the car but she won’t let me because the adrenalin surge is “her process” so i give up and start opening this enormous christmas gift in the back. and when i open it, theres a bunch of little treat bags and boxes, like you get at xmas parties at school, and i’m opening them, and they have really nice gifts, like jewelry, and makeup and heart-felt notes from people i barely know, and how much they’ll miss me and appreciated me and i’m all weepy and crying.
in a dark bohemian red and purple silky draped room with all my friends, and cher and jennifer aniston and suddenly cher and someone else start doing this duet (i think it was whitney’s ‘I will always love you’) and it’s beautiful and then the scene cuts to a holywood awards show, big auditorium, and brad is serenading angie and the kids are all sitting in the audience, no adult, perfectly behaved (which i point out to zoe and she rolls her eyes) and brad does this weird priestly bow and chalice thing during the song, to try to show his reverence for her , but it’s not a chalice, its a big glass vase, and she is glaring at him, makes a WTF face when he passes the cup to her and he is laughing.
there was also a bit with brad pitt playing honorary pro baseball for a day, and i’m counting his wrinkles to reassure myself its ok to get old, and then i look at her with wrinkles and i know its not.
*facepalm 